Building Self-Management in Adolescence
Part Three in A Six-Part Series in The Thriving School Brief
Digging into the Self-Management portion of the Durable Skills for School and Beyond
My eleven-year-old daughter loves screens. She can lose herself for hours in streaming shows or watching YouTube gamers play her favorite Nintendo titles, sometimes while she’s playing those same games herself. Because she loves these things so much (and they’re so designed to keep her hooked), we’ve created a structure to help her develop self-management skills: the screen-time dollar system.
If she completes her chores throughout the week, on Friday afternoon she earns seven “screen-time dollars,” each worth an hour. If she does these chores without complaint or yelling (a skill she is working on), she can earn an extra hour. I’ll always think that’s too much screen time; she’ll always think it’s not enough. That means it is probably just right.
But the real purpose isn’t the time. It’s the tracking. She knows exactly how much she’s used and how much she has left. She understands the limits we’ve set. When she doesn’t earn the bonus hour, she can say, “I guess I can’t get that extra screen time now because I…” She owns it. She manages the system herself.
That’s self-management in action.
What Self-Management Looks Like
Self-Management means handling your emotions, staying in control, and keeping going when things get tough. For adolescents, it looks like:
I notice my feelings and express them in healthy ways.
I can calm myself down when I feel stressed, frustrated, or angry.
I can stay focused on my work without distracting myself or others.
I can take the first step on something important, even when it feels hard.
I can keep trying and bounce back after mistakes or tough situations.
I can accept help, feedback, or consequences without losing my cool.
I can organize my space, time, and materials to do my best work.
I can resist pressure to do things that go against my values.
Self-management is what turns intention into action. When students can regulate emotions, persist through frustration, and organize their efforts, they don’t just go through the motions, they learn to steer their own lives.
Our adolescents need opportunities to practice managing themselves: balancing freedom with responsibility, planning ahead, and reflecting on outcomes. The adults around them—teachers, support staff, and leaders—can design systems that let them do just that.
Building Environments That Grow Self-Management
In the Classroom
Teachers can create routines that let students practice goal-setting, persistence, and organization in real time.
Planning & Tracking Systems: Give students simple tools to track their progress on long-term assignments (checklists, calendars, or “next-step” logs). Encourage them to predict when they’ll need help or feedback. (Target behavior: “I can organize my space, time, and materials to do my best work.”)
Productive Struggle Protocols: Normalize difficulty. When introducing a new task, ask students to rate how confident they feel (1–5), then debrief how they worked through frustration. (Target behavior: “I can keep trying and bounce back after mistakes or tough situations.”)
Calm-Down Corners or Reset Spots: Create spaces where students can use self-selected strategies to regulate emotions—deep breathing, journaling, drawing—before re-engaging in learning. (Target behavior: “I can calm myself down when I feel stressed, frustrated, or angry.”)
In Public Spaces
Public spaces are where adolescents test independence the most and where they can practice managing themselves within shared expectations. Adults can design small, repeatable systems that help students read the room, adapt behavior, and use freedom wisely.
Purposeful Pass System: Reframe hallway passes as tools for self-management, not just permission slips. When signing out, students note their purpose (“water,” “reset,” “see counselor”) and estimate return time. Staff follow up with a quick reflection: “Did you meet your goal and return on time?” (Target behavior: “I can organize my space, time, and materials to do my best work.”)
Shared Space Agreements: Let students co-author agreements for each environment—what respect looks like in hallways vs. the cafeteria—and periodically revisit them. Post agreements as student statements (“In the hallway, we move with purpose”). (Target behavior: “I can reflect on how my actions affect my community and the larger systems around me.”)
Supporting Students Needing Additional Support
For students who need more structure, self-management can be scaffolded through intentional systems of reflection and support.
Daily Check-Ins & Check-Outs: Use brief one-on-one meetings to help students set daily goals, anticipate triggers, and reflect on outcomes. (Target behavior: “I can notice my feelings and express them in healthy ways.”)
Restorative Problem-Solving: When students make mistakes, use structured dialogue to connect emotions to choices and choices to consequences, then plan for next time. (Target behavior: “I can accept help, feedback, or consequences without losing my cool.”)
